


Your Soft Voice

by isobel__smy



Series: Voices [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Jace Wayland, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Music, Supportive Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 07:20:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14208048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isobel__smy/pseuds/isobel__smy
Summary: Alec had cancelled their plans. The thought, the memory of him calling up and apologizing, hung in the cold air like it was laughing at him.-Magnus thought he was better. He had been better for a while now. And yet... Here he was again.(This is a oneshot from my completed fanfiction Your Voice, and it might make more sense to read that first. However, you can read this one on its own





	Your Soft Voice

The apartment was cold, but Magnus couldn't bring himself to get off the couch and close the window. It was too far away. He could just deal with the cold.

 

Alec had cancelled their plans. The thought, the memory of him calling up and apologizing, hung in the cold air like it was laughing at him. There was not escaping it, no matter how hard to tried to distract his thoughts by work, or chatting to Tessa. 

 

(He hadn't told Tessa what Alec had done. Magnus desperately wanted to keep it a secret, so Alec could remain the Golden Boy in everyone's books.)

 

Alec had cancelled their plans. Objectively, Magnus was very aware that Alec had every right to cancel their plans. All they'd been planning was a movie night, like the one they'd had every month for almost a year. They could reschedule. And he had called Magnus to tell him. And it had been for a good reason. 

 

Despite all this, the insecurities had awoke from the depths of his mind. He hated it; he hated knowing how weak and vulnerable he was. Magnus had thought he was better. 

 

He sighed, head resting against the couch. It was eight pm. Tessa was free that night, so he could ask if she wanted to hang out. Or he could do his nails, put on a face mask, watch a romantic comedy.

 

Alternatively, he could just sit there and wonder how long it would take for Alec to become Camille.

 

“Never,” Magnus said, out loud. The words cut into the air, leaving Magnus breathless. “Never,” he said again, but the words were weaker. 

 

What was wrong with him? For the past year, Magnus had been so much better… Catarina even said he was back to his original self the last time they'd met up- which had been a week ago. If he was completely better a week ago… Why was he like this now?

 

“I need to do something.” He said, into the empty apartment. It was just something he'd started to do, when he was alone and suffocating in the silence. “What shall I do?” 

 

It took a minute of staring at the wall- something he and Alec had painted together- to convince his body stand up. It didn’t want to move. Moving meant acknowledging the empty space; moving meant acknowledging the silence. 

 

“Music,” he said, when he finally stood in the middle of the empty apartment. Music was something he had fallen back in love with, and at that point in time he honestly couldn't see himself doing anything unless there was music playing in the background. Even if it did remind him of all those conversations he'd had with Alec over the phone.

 

Scrolling through YouTube, he found the soundtrack he'd created all those months ago. He pushed it through to the Bluetooth speakers he'd installed throughout the apartment, and pressed shuffle. 

 

As the song started to play, Magnus closed his eyes, letting the music settle into his cold skin. The notes caused goosebumps to appear, and as he let himself slip into the melody a single tear whispered down his cheek. It was enough, hearing the song, to make him feel a little bit better.

 

When he was ready- after about three songs- Magnus started to move. He wasn't singing the songs, but he did start to mouth the words, nodding his head up and down as he wandered aimlessly around the living room. Magnus went over to the window and closed it, still smiling to himself.

 

He loved these songs. 

 

But he could feel his body slowly tiring. It was something that always happened when he was in this kind of mood- he could struggle to feel better, but the effort of it would knock him out a little bit later. 

 

As the next song started, Magnus felt his body slowly sink onto the rug. He wasn't aware of telling it do anything, but his body still lay down, curled up in a foetal position. There was nothing stopping it. His body just couldn't cope with the energy. Magnus opened his mouth to stay something- to ground himself- but no sound came out. 

 

Chairman Meow was sleeping in Magnus’ bed- as he had been the entire day. To have his cat curled up with him would have really helped, but Magnus knew the Chairman wouldn't move, and he certainly wasn't moving. The most Magnus could do it lift up his head so his arm could act as a pillow. 

 

A small whine fell from his still open lips, possibly something he'd wanted to say but couldn't conjure up the energy to properly form. The music still played, but Magnus could barely hear it now. It was a muffled noise in the background, and all Magnus could concentrate was the ringing noise in his ears, and the faint twisting of his stomach.

 

He pressed his fingertips against the soft rug, watching carefully. It was better than staring up at the ceiling. To Magnus, that, even though Magnus objectively knew it actually symbolised nothing, meant he was back to rock bottom. And he really, really, really did not want to be back there. Not after all his hard work. 

 

His phone was ringing. He became aware of it very slowly, almost as if there was something blocking his hearing. But then he could hear it, and Magnus struggled to move him limbs fast enough to find it in time. “Hello,” he said, breathless, instantly sitting on the sofa. 

 

“Magnus.” Alec. A small flutter in his chest, but hearing his voice didn't clear away Magnus’ mood. “Hey. Sorry I'm calling so late, but Jace has been discharged and I'm taking him home now.” There was a pause, but Magnus didn't want to say anything. “If it's okay, I'd really like to come round. I know it's late, and it could only be for like half an hour, but I miss your beautiful face.”

 

Magnus looked at the clock. It was ten pm.

 

“Magnus?” Alec said, voice quieter. “Sweetheart?”

 

“Yeah, you can come round,” Magnus said, voice barely a whisper. He hadn't managed to pretend to sound happy or excited. “How long will you be?”

 

“Fifteen minutes,” Alec said. “Jace is getting a taxi home, I'm coming straight to you.”

 

“Okay,” Magnus replied, already putting the phone down and staring at the opposite wall again. Now there was something sickly hanging in his stomach; why did he have to be so weak that Alec cancelled on him once for a legitimate reason and he totally freaked out? He was meant to be better. Magnus felt better a lot of the time, just not… not today.

 

He sighed. At least the window wasn't open. That, at least, was something he was happy with himself for. Now the apartment was an alright temperature. 

 

And now he had to sit and wait for Alec. 

 

-

 

Alec knocked on the door thirteen minutes later. Magnus struggled to stand up, and slowly wandered over to let him in. 

 

The man looked incredibly tired: his hair was messier than usual, there were huge bags under his eyes, and he was slouching. Instantly a flurry of guilt washed over Magnus. “Hey,” he said. 

 

“Hey, Magnus,” Alec said, smiling and stepping into the apartment. He took of his boots, and Magnus noted how he carefully put them exactly where they were meant to go- right next to Magnus’. Neat and tidy. “I am so so sorry I had to cancel.”

 

“It's okay,” Magnus said quietly. His voice cracked, and that just made him feel worse.

 

Instead of saying anything, Alec took Magnus’ hand and led him over to the sofa. His hand was soft and warm. “Magnus,” Alec said quietly, his voice a gentle caress. “Tell the truth.”

 

“I don't know what you mean,” Magnus said, partially bewildered, and partially understanding exactly what Alec meant. But he didn't want to tell the truth; it was better to lie to let the other person feel better. Especially since Alec had a legitimate reason for cancelling.

 

“Yeah you do.” Alec’s thumb drew circles over the back of his hands, as he guided Magnus to sit on the sofa. He crouched in front of the sofa, looking at Magnus with comforting eyes. “You need to tell the truth.”

 

“But it was for a legitimate reason,” he mumbled.

 

“Yeah.” Shrugging, Alec smiled. “It was. That doesn't invalidate your feelings. And anyway, this is just to make sure you wouldn't mind yelling at me when it is my fault.”

 

Magnus opened his mouth, but no words came out; he didn’t have any to say. There was nothing in his mind at that second. All he could do was sit there and look at Alec. “You can do this, Magnus.” The man encouraged.

 

“You cancelled our plans,” Magnus whispered, and Alec nodded. “I know that it was for a legitimate reason, but because it was so last minute it still hurt me. That isn't your fault. But… it isn't my fault either.” By the end of the last sentence, Magnus’ voice was almost a silent mumble, but at least he'd said it. Alec was smiling, and Magnus even felt a little bit better; his stomach had stopped twisting itself into a knot. “I think it was partially because it was movie night. We've always done movie night.”

 

“I know,” Alec said softly, voice soothing. He kept two steady hands on Magnus’ trembling ones, and didn't stop as Magnus half leant, half fell, until his face was resting against Alec's shoulder. “I'm sorry, Magnus.” And he sounded sincere.

 

A warm hand travelled up and down Magnus’ back, firm and comforting. Alec didn't say anything else, and Magnus certainly didn't feel like forcing himself to say anything else, so he closed his eyes and concentrated on Alec's arm around him, and the smell of him, and the silence that was no longer suffocating, but instead was soothing.

 

About five minutes later, Magnus slowly sat up, wiping his eyes to remove the unshed tears, and looked at Alec. He looked back at Magnus, a small smile resting on his lips. “Hey,” Alec murmured.

 

“Hey,” Magnus whispered back, voice cracking. “Thanks for coming over.” He realised now, that Alec must have known from his voice that Magnus was not okay, and that was why Jace had to get a taxi home. That idea sent a flurry of butterflies into his stomach. 

 

“Of course,” Alec replied, shrugging. He stood up as he spoke, and then sat on the sofa next to Magnus. “I didn’t want to not see you. Jace and his broken face wasn't going to stop me.” Laughing, Magnus looked down at his feet and then back at Alec, who was grinning right back at him. “Even if, y’know, we couldn’t watch any films. My day is made considerably better by seeing you.” Magnus felt his cheeks heat up; hearing Alec say those kind of things would never grow old.

 

As Magnus opened his mouth to respond, Alec yawned, looking down and rubbing his eyes. Magnus suddenly felt a shot of guilt fire through him as he remembered how long and tiring Alec’s day had been. It had been just like Magnus’. They both needed to rest. Instead of saying anything, Magnus raised his hand to rest on Alec’s cheek. The man looked up, smiling, and Magnus ran his thumb over the cheekbone. “You okay?” He murmured.

 

Alec leant into Magnus’ hand, eyes falling shut and he breathed out through his mouth. “Tired,” he mumbled, hand still holding Magnus’ other one. His fingers played mindlessly with Magnus’. “Long day. Not going to be great company, I’m really sorry Magnus.”

 

“It’s not your fault,” Magnus said gently, but also firmly, because it was important that Alec knew that. “And having you here is good enough, okay?” Alec nodded, one eye opening to look at Magnus and then closing again. “Let’s just snuggle on the sofa.”

 

Alec mumbled something that sounded like an agreement, so Magnus arranged them so they were lying more comfortably. His head was resting on Alec's chest, and his arms were wrapped around Alec. Magnus’ fingers ran through Alec's hair; the man liked that. “Jace is okay now, right?” He asked.

 

“Yeah,” Alec mumbled, hands resting on Magnus’ lower back. “Just stitches. Apparently the other guy had it a lot worse, but I'm not sure whether I believe him or not.” They both sniggered. “I gave him a lecture about responsibleness and not letting feelings for a girl ruin his reputation and took him to the hospital, though, so I've done my bit.” Magnus nodded, looking up at Alec and smiling. “But how was your day? I never asked.”

 

“Alright.” Magnus closed his eyes too, concentrating on the solid feeling of Alec's hands. The warmth was comforting. “Emails, drawing. Had a couple of calls with various companies about the event coming up.” He shifted slightly, letting their legs tangle together. “Nothing too groundbreaking. Raphael called at three pm to organise something next weekend.”

 

“Ooh,” Alec said, his voice even quieter than before. “That'll be fun. With just you two, or all of you?”

 

“Just us two.” Magnus opened one eye to monitor Alec's reaction, but there wasn't one. That calmed his nerves about Alec becoming a jealous boyfriend, and he sighed happily. “Though in a couple of weeks I was thinking we could… all have dinner around here. My friends and… you?” 

 

“Magnus, I would absolutely love that. I mean, the idea of having dinner with your friends is terrifying, but I would love to.” He felt Alec press a quick kiss to his forehead, and his heart fluttered slightly. Alec was okay with spending time with his friends, and by the slightly different tone in his voice, Magnus could tell he knew this was a big deal to Magnus. “Tell me the details when you know them, and I'll warn Jace not to get into a fight the morning before.” 

 

“Please do,” Magnus rolled his eyes, words slightly distorted by a yawn. “Sorry.”

 

Alec yawned in response, which caused Magnus to grin. 

 

“Are we old?” Magnus asked, which caused Alec to open his eyes and stare incredulously at him. “No, but… We're falling asleep because we're tired, right? But it's only eleven pm.” He shrugged, smiling. 

 

“If it means I can sleep,” Alec mumbled, “then I'm happy to be called old.” Magnus snorted, letting his fingers fall from the man's hair and rest against his neck. “But I think you're one of those souls that are eternally young.”

 

“That's just because I like to go clubbing.” Magnus rolled his eyes, noting how both of their words were becoming slurred. “You have no other evidence to back that up.” 

 

“I have plenty of evidence,” Alec complained. “I just can't think of any right at this second. But that's just because I'm tired.” He yawned again, and Magnus felt him sigh. “I'm not going to stay awake much longer.”

 

“Goodnight, Alexander,” Magnus said, smiling softly. 

 

“Goodnight,” Alec murmured. “Sweet dreams.”

 

-

 

Magnus woke up when Alec fell off the sofa with a bump. He groaned quietly, squeezing his eyes shut and shuddering. His body was not ready to wake up. “Shit- sorry-” Alec muttered quietly, and Magnus became aware of an alarm going off. “Shit-” 

 

The alarm cut off, but Magnus had a very distinct lack of Alec next to him on the sofa, so he opened his eyes anyway. He shut them again. “We left the light on,” Magnus complained, and then slowly opened his eyes again. Alec stood in front of him, hair messier than ever, grinning. 

 

“Good morning,” Alec said, sitting back down on the sofa with a groan. His smile was soft and beautiful, and Magnus couldn't help but melt. “Sorry about the alarm.”

 

“What is it even for?” He rubbed his eyes, and then ran a hand through his hair. It was a minor miracle that he hadn't worn hair gel the previous day. His make-up was probably horrendous though… “What time is it?”

 

“Eight.” Alec grimaced, and then smiled again. “Work. Which I do have to get to. At some point.” He laughed quietly when Magnus pouted, but Magnus didn't really mind. Alec had come round last night, despite how inconvenient it must have been for him. “Still have time for breakfast, though.” 

 

“Who says you're getting breakfast?” Magnus teased, lifting his hand to run through Alec's hair. It didn’t sort it out at all, and only really made it messier, but at least he’d tried. “I might make you starve.” 

 

“Sure.” Alec half fell, half slid of the sofa again, and stood up. His eyelids were still partially closed, which was so adorable Magnus had to bite his lip to not say anything. “You could make me starve. But if you let me make pancakes… I’ll make some for you as well…”

 

“I might allow that,” Magnus conceded, also standing up. 

 

“Aww, you’re so kind,” Alec smiled, bending down and kissing Magnus softly. His lips were dry, and neither of them had brushed their teeth, but Magnus didn’t care, so he pulled Alec closer with a handful of his t shirt and kissed him back. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!!
> 
> Here's another oneshot in this universe. You may have noticed that I've made it into a series (called "Voices") and that's because I plan to write many many more oneshots with these characters.
> 
> You lot have already given me a few prompts, some of which I have already written and have waiting to be posted, and some I have just planned. This one was inspired by this: "see them get in a fight, in which alec is in the wrong, but is encouraging magnus to get a angry and shout at him, like he couldn't do with Camille." 
> 
> It is in no way a fight between the two, and I am still planning a fic that is more in line with that suggestion, but I started writing a row and somehow got this?? I don't know? These boys are just too soft. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this!! I always love and cherish your comments. <3
> 
> Any more one shots you'd like to see, comment below and I'll add them to my list.
> 
> As always, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/therapyfornerds) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/therapyfornerds/?hl=en) by clicking these links. 
> 
> Thanks for reading xx


End file.
